Real Change?

So I am gonna take some time out of my lovely night of reading "The Time Travellers Wife" while simultaneously reading "The Wedding Book" with my fiancee to write to you guys.

So the entire facebook world has erupted into one giant tidal wave of activism. Or so they think.

With the Haiti tragedy and the breast cancer awareness bra-status-fiasco people have just been fired up over all the change they've been causing lately. But I'd like to try and get you to stop and think if this is REALLY causing change at all.

Heres a scenario to explain it: So Theo has decided to put his status as "help stop the awful slaughter in Washington. Every day over 30 Americans are swallowed by Obama and his insatiable campaign for cannibalism". (what a cause...haha) and all of his friends read this and think "wow thats messed up! I should inform people as well!" (and then make a hilarious White House joke) and suddenly all of facebook has statuses about Obama. But really - other than people being aware of what is going on, has anything changed? No. They say that knowledge is power but I would argue that knowledge, without WISDOM, is worthless.

And that brings us to where we are now. A catastrophe on our hands. Their is plenty of knowledge - but do you know anyone who has donated? Have you donated? Are you effecting real change or are you just posting a facebook status expecting someone else to go over and help or open their wallet?

But EVEN worse is the breast cancer awareness status update fiasco. If the goal is awareness - why is your status so damn vague? Don't you want EVERYONE to know so they can donate? These are both such worthy causes but the general complacency of people our age causes us to think that just by a status we are changing the world. If only Che had facebook right?

I know this is a controversial topic and people love to fight me on this one because if I am right....well then both of us are guilty of sitting back and watching the horror in Haiti.

"Suddenly that facebook status isnt doing much to relieve my conscience..."

Death Takes Many Forms Even While Alive

Sorry I've been out of blogging shape for so long.....I've been busy with my week in Edmonton and the holidays in general. Pretty sure my stay with G made me gain 10 pounds....oh well. Tons of fun and I'll do a proper holiday blog soon. Here are some thoughts. Rapido y furiosa.

With the recent loss of my aunt I've been thinking about death lately. I feel like the song 'Benjamin' is a good place for anyone to start on this topic. Its written by Sanctus Real and I'll include some lyrics because theyre much more eloquent than I could ever be. I recommend youtube-ing it. It gives me chills.

Rain falls outside
I think the sky must know whats happening tonight
Children born while fathers die
It's the circle of life that we all live in time

We've been friends for a long, long time
So if you can't talk, just cry
And know that we can talk on the other side

It's bitter cold outside
But the sun still shines 'cause we can feel it
Benjamin, you mark the life that was left behind
We see him in your eyes

And we will be friends for a long, long time
So until you can talk, just cry
And know that we will be friends for the rest of our lives

Today at work - while going about some repetitive task I had the thought "if I died today I would not be sad about it. If anything would make me sad, it would be the thought of the pain those I left behind would go through." this thought in general worries me. My life is hardly a 100mph thrill ride but I'd like to believe it has value. All life has value but my subconscious seems not to be convinced.

Now on to another heavy topic - lost friendship. In the last 2 weeks I have watched 2 different friendships dissolve - both of them friends I held close to my heart. I do not recycle friends or do the whole social butterfly thing so it has had an impact. I am not quite sure how I feel though....I'm not sure I would want either friendship back. One case is explained below but for the other its much more complicated. A great person, albeit flawed. I can't explain what went on without revealing names and situations so I have to kind of leave you guys hanging on details. Every part of me wanted to apologize for making a choice to stand by a friend and leave another to fight their own battles but in the incredibly complicated situation I felt I did the right thing. Like I said, I wanted to apologize but couldn't do it sincerely. How could I look one of my best friends in the eye and say I was sorry for a decision that I felt like I HAD to make in order to be able to look at myself in the mirror. At the end of the day I would rather be completely alone and be able to look in the mirror and see something genuine...completely fucked up but genuine, then be surrounded by friends and keep secrets and lie to myself.

Maybe my next blog should be on why I put such a high value on being genuine.

It doesnt often help me out in life.

Love you guys - hope your still reading.

"Please don't worry - I am doing fine.

Your much too busy to even find the time.

So use your chemicals and take them to your grave."

To West. Sorry, but the friendships done. Not even you know who you are anymore.

...As A Kite

So I am not feeling very well. I have about 5 brands of cough medicine in me and I'm feeling very high. So lets see what deep things cough medicine brings out of me.

First off: hockey is now done for half a month. that makes me a little bit sad, but a couple of us went out for drinks and it was pretty fun, so theres a good chance of making some BFF's in the new year.

Second: Jordan I'm very sorry I neglected you in my blog post. I'm very excited to see you and we need to go for a night drive.

Third: My sister and I have been playing a lot of xbox together lately which has been good. She has been cool enough to go out and buy Left 4 Dead 2 so we could play online. It makes me feel nerdy, but at the same time I think it's not so bad because in reality its just an excuse I use to keep in touch with her. So I think its sentimental.

Fourth: I called in sick to work today and they refused. They just said "no. no one can cover so your coming in" that seems strange. is that legal? That is less strange than my landlord coming into our apartment without knocking while I was sleeping this morning. I woke up to a vision of him in my hallway holding a shower rod. I think he could be a rapist or a murderer. I want to leave my apartment :(

Life As A Hustla'

I've had so many moments of theosophy in the last week that it's hard to pick just one to talk about. So here comes theosophy: FAST AND FURIOUS!

-the general thought about life is that if your just surviving, your life isn't good. I'm really wondering if this is the truth. I imagine that even if everyday I woke up, travelled into the forest - caught my meals of the day and then returned home, there would still be things to live for. I just think of something as beautiful as a rain drop sitting on a leaf or the stars at night and can't imagine its possible to just "survive". These are the things you think about when you just make enough to pay the bills at Starbucks.

-today I did some hustlin'. (hence the name of this blog) Best Buy was working against me but I was determined to get Raisa Super Mario Bros Wii for christmas. And I pulled it off. I ended up having to trade in a couple of my games to get it, but I did it after a long day of searching. And that brings me to my point which is that love is not a feeling. It's not something your born into and it's not a word you get to say on your 6 month anniversary. Love is making a choice to put someone else ahead of yourself and you have to make that choice every single day.

So for my floor hockey update of the week - I scored two goals and notched either 3 or 4 assists this week. 6 point week? thats pretty sick!!! I kept getting energy, even after I hit the point of exhaustion, from God knows where. I dedicate both of those goals to the "ham"mer. I neglected to mention him, when in reality he's a friend that I could never afford to lose. For the record, this is the first time I ever dedicated ALL of my goals to one person. I dont foresee it ever happening again. Love you hamiltoe.

Home Is Where The ______ Is

So at floor hockey tonight I had my first loss. In quite a disappointing night I registered no points - NOT EVEN AN ASSIST, and felt like a peg leg on the gnarly pirate crew that is our floor hockey team. Oh well.....more motivation to run harder this week.

So I had talks with my family about coming home for christmas and it was all going well until my sister wrapped the car around a tree after having slid through an ice patch. When I first heard about it I was so worried - heres a girl I would literally give my life for and she may have just lost hers, but it ended up that she walked away from it and is ok. But somehow in all the stress and confusion, my christmas invitation was revoked (and then reinstated, but its all very confusing and I dont quite understand it) and my hopes of being home for christmas were crushed. Through a couple of ensuing emails/phone calls with my parents, a lot of hurtful things were said and it all cumulated with me just having to say "I'm done. Cant do this anymore". Now this has been a very hard thing for me to do....I mean theyre my parents, but honestly, the sadness and pain that they caused me EVERY time we talked just wasn't worth it. I couldn't take it anymore.

So I've been really thinking about where to go from here. A family is kind of like the Robin to your Batman, you don't realize you need them until some goon gets both your arms behind your back and you need someone who will kick him in the jewels. This is the conclusion I've reached: my brothers and sister will always be there. We have looked out for eachother since we were little and that will never stop. My third brother, best friend, and best man Mr. Glendon will be there the day I die - or more likely I'll be there for him when he overdoses on BBQ pork buns and ends up in the hospital. And to round out my family, I have friends I know won't ever fail me: Faith, Sam, Brit West. You guys have listened to all my complaining and sent me encouraging notes on my wall through the move. And last but not least my wifey - ms Raisa Ruiz. (p.s. not actually my wifey yet) but this girl gets to hear all this stuff in person, so I'm gonna leave it at I love her and shes amazing.

Thanks guys, Love you all and hope you know I think of you often. (even if your not family - you are still important. Im talking bout you Furgy Furg)

Belief

So today at work something pretty funny happened.

There are these two ladies that come in everyday and they always yell so loud and laugh like hyenas and are overall just obnoxious. They are never rude to us, but they just have zero self-awareness.

SO today while serving them the first drink came up as an Eggnog Latte and I made it and gave it to the girl - standard.

THEN the next girl asked for a Reduced Fat Eggnog Latte, saying she would give it a shot. I looked down in my fridges and upon seeing that we didnt have any RFE, decided that I would just fake it. So I made it regular and put it up on the bar. Now because these ladies have their conversations at around the same level as a MegaDeath concert I was able to witness this awesome exchange:

Lady 1: So hows the RFE Latte?

Lady 2: (drinks and pauses) its actually so good!

Lady 1: NO WAY! Let me taste it!

Lady 2 and Lady 1 swap drinks - tasting eachothers

Lady 1: Its not bad! The taste is a little less full and rich, but its still ok!

Lady 2: Oh I can definately tell the difference between the regular and this, but I'm definately not complaining.

It's funny how powerful a thing belief can be. She believed the taste would be different and so even after tasting her own drink and her friends (BOTH IDENTICAL) she still was convinced they were different. I let them walk away without saying anything because lets be honest:

Who couldn't use a little more Reduced Fat in their life?